Have you ever been gripped by fear that you could hardly function? Or, fear of something that caused you not to want to be alone? There are hundreds of ways a person can be bound in fear. Do you need to be set free from fear? Maybe my story will encourage you.
I remember that night well, as it is etched in my memory forever. It was the night when fear lost its grip on me, and I was no longer a slave to fear. Let me tell you what Jesus did for me.
Background Story
Back in 1976, I moved from British Columbia to Northeastern Ontario to be close to my Dad. I had found a job pumping gas at a local gas station, and one day, a minister came for gas and started a conversation with me. He and his wife lived up the street, and they pastored a small church. So small that it was in a school. I was 18, and though I read my Bible and believed in Jesus and God, I didn’t go to church.
My mom had given me a red King James Bible the previous year in ’75 in British Columbia. I remember that day too. I had spotted this Bible in the Christian Bookstore that cost $4.95. Days later, I asked Mom if she’d buy it for me, so we went there together. I now had my first Bible at the age of 16, and I spent days reading my Bible. I treasured that book, and wherever I moved, it came with me.
But back to ’76 in Ontario. I needed help with something, so I called the minister I had met in July. He suggested I read Psalm 139. So I did, over and over again. I came to love Psalm 139. It told me everything I needed to hear as it calmed me and gave me peace. This is still my favourite Psalm today.
When Fear Actually Moved In
After returning to my mother’s home in BC at the end of 1976, I was given the downstairs bedroom. We kids called it the dungeon. Its door had the sliding window slot, you know, the kind where the guard looks in at you to see what you’re doing. It was creepy.
The basement was unfinished except for this one room. I had it set up comfortably, though. I had a davenport couch with arms, a desk, and a chair under the bedroom window. A shelf with my dishes over the couch. There was a built-in dresser in the wall. First time I’d ever seen such a thing. A wall with drawers in it, haha. There was a nice big slider window about an inch off the ground facing the driveway. I could see when my mom came home. Or when anyone walked to the back door.
It was a nice room in the daytime, but in the evenings, well, things changed in my mind.
That nice big slider window allowed light in through the leaves on the trees dividing our two houses. The lock didn’t work very well on the window. In fact, it didn’t work at all. Anyone could open it if they wanted to. I just didn’t know who ‘they’ were. I didn’t have this fear when I lived in Ontario, so why now?
Negative Thoughts That Grew to Fear
I really liked my room. I’d pull out the davenport, make my bed, and climb in for a good night’s sleep. And then my mind would think. What if someone climbed in the window? My room is under the living room, everyone is in bed on the other side of the house, and no one will hear me scream. What if someone climbs on top of me? What if he rapes me? And, what if two guys come in and pull me out? What if no one hears me?
I would quietly climb out of bed and make my way upstairs. I always woke up in the morning in Mom’s bed. Poor Mom, picture this, me rolling over during the night and swinging my leg over her! It’s funny, but it wasn’t.
Night after night, this continued. I’d start in my room, but the thoughts, the fear would overwhelm me so much that I’d go to sleep in my mother’s bed. Night after night after night.
Something had happened. Something did creep in. Its name was Fear.
Fear of the dark. Fear of being raped. The fear of being abducted. Fear of being attacked. Fear had its grip on me.
You see, those things weren’t new to me. As a child, a man exposed himself to me in broad daylight. Then, as a teenager, I was almost raped. I had been abducted and jumped out of a moving vehicle. I had bad experiences with guys. So, ya, fear had moved in. But why now?
How Fear Lost Its Power
One evening, Mom was working downstairs. I was in my room, reading my Bible, and my door was open. I can still see it. The light from Mom’s workspace was streaming into my room, and I was talking with Mom when I asked her if I could read to her my favourite Psalm. She said yes. I leaned in towards the light and began to read the most wonderful words.
Psalm 139
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
And when I got to these verses, Surely the darkness shall fall on me, even the night shall be light about me, indeed the darkness shall not hide from You, the darkness and the light are both alike to You, something amazing happened!
Set Free from Fear!
Something truly wonderful happened! Totally unexpected but oh so wonderful! In that moment when I realized that God could see me in the blackest of black nights, that when He looks down from Heaven at me, it is daylight to Him, that He SEES me. His Word was made alive to me! In that very moment, the black cloud of fear was released from me. I could feel it rising off my shoulders and going up in the air, never to return.
The fear was GONE! It left! I was free! I could physically feel it gone! The written Word of God set me free!
I could walk down the street again and not feel like I was going to be attacked. I was free! Such joy and freedom! Such relief!
Mom didn’t even know what had just happened to me. What I had just experienced.
I barely even remember reading the rest of the Psalm to her. But I will never forget what the Lord has done for me. How He has set me free from fear.
The Lord is good!
That night, I slept in my bed for the first time, and every night after that. I’m sure Mom was glad to have her bed back again!
Whom The Lord Sets Free, is Free Indeed!
Do you have anything that has you in its grip? Are you afraid of something that you’ve never shared with anyone?
Do you believe that the Word of God can set you free? Do you want to be free? Will you trust in God and His Word to set you free?
Father God, You know who is reading this testimony right now. You know who needs to be set free from bondage, whether it is fear or something else. I pray for her that You would release her from the grip of bondage that has held her. Set her free, whether it is Your written Word that releases her or Your direct power. May she experience freedom, and may she share her story with others to encourage them to turn to You for healing and freedom. And through this experience, Lord, may she draw closer to You.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
Drop me a line, tell me your story. I’d love to pray with you.
In Him We Live,
~ Cindy ~
